Proper Parenting

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(livelychick @ Jun 21 2006, 01:04 PM) [snapback]274708[/snapback]</div>

Thank you for being a good parent!

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(daronspicher @ Jun 21 2006, 03:19 PM) [snapback]274789[/snapback]</div>

Well, not ALL of them will get in trouble with the law. They may kill themselves with drinking or drugs before the law catches them <sigh>. There's always the possibility of rehabilitation after getting in trouble with the law - there's no possible 'rehab' from death.

It's also possible for a kid to get in trouble with the law despite having reasonably good parents. My younger son was far too influenced by the concept of 'spring break' as pictured and glamorized on MTV. He finally saved up enough money to buy himself a car, convinced a young adult to to buy several cases of beer and some hard liquor for him, and invited a bunch of acquaintances to join him in a local park. Of course he was caught, and I was called to the police station. While I waited in the lobby, several other parents came out with their kids and told me that my son had mouthed off to the police, calling them pigs, etc., and one of the parents told me that his son was just out of an alcohol rehab program, and he and his girlfriend had left the car when the others opened up the liquor.

When I was finally allowed to see my son, he continued mouthing off, and accused one of the officers of shoving him in to a counter. I told my son, in front of the officers, that I had no reason to believe his side of the story, but he had a right to file a complaint and have it investigated. When we went into a conference room for him to 'tell his story of police brutality', I finally lost my temper with him and told him that I was extremely disappointed in his behavior. I told him that he, of all people, should realize the harm that can come from alcohol and drugs - his birth mother was brain-damaged and living in an institution for more than a dozen years from drinking and taking valium. And that I was MOST disappointed that, despite his personal knowledge of possible consequences, he had put a friend in jeopardy, offering him alcohol, and that I thought his friend had done the heroic thing by walking away from the temptation.

After that, we went to the park where his car was, and he denied he had any other liquor. I gave the police permission to open the trunk where there were at least 6 cases of beer and some other bottles of liquor.

He was lucky to get off with the least possible outcome from his folly - he had to report to a probation officer one time (the same day he was heading off to college), and to get an evaluation done at school for drug/alcohol abuse - no sentence of 'community service'. I was told that he 'got off' so lightly because the police officers were certain that I wasn't going to take the position "Well, what can I do? Boys will be boys, after all!'

He went off to college and 're-invented' himself - he went to a known 'party' school but did his studying BEFORE he went out at night and maintained an almost straight-A average. He decided to become a resident assistant in the dorms to be a role-model to other kids. When he graduated, he showed me some of the notes he had received from the dorm residents, thanking him for making a difference in their lives and always being there for them. I'm so proud of him! He went on to grad school in university administration, and has worked at different universities in dorms and in various other counselling positions.

So enough 'patting myself on the back'. You make an excelent point about the need for kids to accept the responsibility for their actions, whether they were explicitly taught that by their parents or not. Thank you!

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Jeannie @ Jun 21 2006, 08:11 PM) [snapback]274956[/snapback]</div>

Thanks for this story. Sounds like you planted the right seeds early on...good for you. Even good kids stray...I was a "good kid," and just never got caught doing the few minor things I did (drinking underage, excessive speeding (not while drinking, though), really, the only bad things I ever did.)

So, even if I have a good kid, and he veers from the path a few times, I would love to have someone "help" me by ratting him out, reporting him to the cops, whatever. To your point, better he veers off, then steers back, than him veering off and staying off.

And that's what I mean by a "village." And I still believe that it takes one. If we had more, I think our youth would be in a better place today.