On a related topic...

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(maggieddd @ Jul 25 2006, 03:59 PM) [snapback]292143[/snapback]</div>

...and that's TOTALLY fine with me.

...ask me how "bad" I might feel about that....

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Mystery Squid @ Jul 25 2006, 02:55 PM) [snapback]292139[/snapback]</div>

Men were "made" to be the hunter/gatherers....why is it that so many women now have to work! :angry:

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(SSimon @ Jul 25 2006, 01:10 PM) [snapback]292150[/snapback]</div>

'because so many want toys like a new Prius :angry:

 

:blink: (i use this icon because there is no raised-eyebrow icon)

how about because some of us have brains we like to put to vigorous *use*?

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(galaxee @ Jul 25 2006, 04:41 PM) [snapback]292165[/snapback]</div>

r u talking 'bout men or women?

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Mystery Squid @ Jul 25 2006, 03:02 PM) [snapback]292105[/snapback]</div>

um...and all those little squiddlies are still living happy, healthy lives, right?

 

You seem well prepared for life's uncertainties. Maybe the relationship won't last... hopefully you two will choose to fix it and stick it out if at all possible and it will last through some rocky time. Either of you could die and so you wouldn't want to leave your husband with a clip-job and a new wife.. understandable..

Those are life's uncertainties, and you're looking them head-on and preparing to deal with them if they happen.

If you get pregnant, you plan to have the child and raise it as a stay at home mom. You claim you will be a good mom, and I think you will based primarily on your predisposition to be a stay at home mom.. That's a tremendous gift to give to your child(ren). Kudo's to you for that. The margin of error on becomming pregnant is small, but existant... this is another uncertainty in life and it sounds like you have an awesome plan to deal with it if you do have a child.

I didn't see you cover the one possibility, if your husband died and you found a new husband. Perhaps you fall madly in love with a man who wants children with you in marriage. Something like that could begin to change a girl's perspective on the 'never' word. Maybe not... but, if so many other things about this new husband are so perfect, then either he's going to have to move toward not needing children with you, or you will begin to warm to the idea of intentional children with him.

Which leaves off with you already doing exactly what it takes these days to pretty much cover all the bases of uncertainty that comes with not knowing your entire future. I'm not sure why they won't do the operation, but my guess is that they've been sued enough times by people claiming how they were not 1000000% told how permanent this operation is... then some jury awarded way too much money to some idiot who changed their mind about this exact thing.

Kudo's to you for seemingly purposefully leaving abortion off the table as an option for you in the event of a pregnancy.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(daronspicher @ Jul 25 2006, 05:35 PM) [snapback]292223[/snapback]</div>

What part about Mind Your Own Business escapes you? I fail to understand why a set of ancient writings from a iron age group of hunter-gathers have *any* influence on me at all.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Mystery Squid @ Jul 25 2006, 12:02 PM) [snapback]292105[/snapback]</div>

So we are to understand that you do not masturbate or have sex outside of the institution of marriage, thereby squandering your precious seed and robbing potential life of it's existence. Fair enough. A man who practices what he preaches.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Mystery Squid @ Jul 25 2006, 03:02 PM) [snapback]292105[/snapback]</div>

every time you don't plant a seed in a garden you are robbing a life of it's existence.

 

I can fully appreciate your reasoning and your convictions for not bringing children into the world. I had many similar ones at your age. Now, nearing 48 with two children, I cannot imagine life without them. My wife (my 2nd), divorced at 25 when her husband wanted to have children - she didn't, at least, not with him. She never remarried or had kids of her own, she tells, me, because she hadn't met anyone with whom that future would be appealing. We have the kids half the time, I can honestly say that they are lucky to have her in their lives(ahem, as am I).
The moral of that story is:
1. Your perceptions and even your biological urges may not (in most realities, will not) remain constant as you grow (and the latent intelligence that springs from your writings tells me that you likely will have no problems in the growth area).
2. Not everyone with a womb wants to or should use it, just as not every walking sperm delivery system wants to or should spread fertilizer.
I totally understand the frustration you're experiencing from the resistance you're encountering. I'm divided on this one, I can see the physician's point of view, yet if you're old enough to be sent to war and be killed, perhaps your decisions about what you do with your body should be, well, yours.
It's complex, to be sure.

 

The reversal rate for vasectomy is approximately 50%.

But -- it should be thought of as completely irreversible. No one should have a vasectomy as an interim method, counting on that 50% chance of reversal. The odds go down in time, and it's much more complicated than just a coin flip.

The OB/GYN who recommended an IUD hit it on the head. It's good for five years, is totally reversible, and in seven years has approx 1.1% pregnancy rate. If you are conscientious about it you can do better than that rate (checking strings, etc).

You're not gonna find a surgeon willing to tie your tubes, at your age, and it's for the best. You have excellent means of contraception at your disposal and you do have a significant likelihood of changing your mind in the next ten years.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(geologyrox @ Jul 25 2006, 10:45 AM) [snapback]291978[/snapback]</div>

Think of the major problems now facing the world: famine, water shortages, wars and other conflicts, epidemics, etc. Almost all are due to, or a response to, over-population (too many people).

So this is a very good reason for not adding to the billions already in existence and on the way.

And of postponing nature's response to excessive numbers (as history shows): great calamities of some sort.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(triphop @ Jul 25 2006, 06:07 PM) [snapback]292239[/snapback]</div>

Apparently they don't. In fact, you are so cutting edge that the rest of us can't make heads or tails of what the heck you're talking about here.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(zapranoth @ Jul 26 2006, 01:07 AM) [snapback]292463[/snapback]</div>

Thanks for the promotion and the vote of confidence, alas, I am only a clinic adminstrater, not an OB/GYN!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(zapranoth @ Jul 26 2006, 01:07 AM) [snapback]292463[/snapback]</div>

FYI, ParaGard is good for up to 10 years and Mirena up to 5. Both can be removed, by a medical professional, any time the woman desires.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(geologyrox @ Jul 28 2006, 08:40 AM) [snapback]293745[/snapback]</div>

geologyrox,

I don't think you are going to get a response to this. You can see that most people are selfish and to them adopting a child is not a way to have children. Most will tell you that you have to have your own, which to me is selfish. It's not about children. It's about me and my own only. I don't know what the statistics are but I think that there are more people who adopt children because they can't have their own than the ones who adopt because they want children in general to have better lives. I find it sad. All the reasons I heard so far why people want to have children are lame.

 

Most of the people I know that have adpoted have done so because they were unable to have children of their own, with the exception of one couple who adopted 5 Haitian siblings (all of them to keep the family intact) for purely humanitarian (and I believe religious) reasons. That's from my very small circle of x degrees of separation; but I don't believe adoption is veiwed as a "second-class way of having kids" - it's an alternate way.
Yes, for many parents, children are an adornment, a "next step", or a tax deduction, rather than the joful gift they should be. Not sure what can be done about that outside of personal epiphanies occuring.
What I think you're missing in some of the messages is that there CAN BE a strong biological urge to bear your OWN children, that you may not feel now (or ever) - but you might one day.
I never heeded the advice of people older than me the first 40 some odd years of my life. That's the path I decided to take, right or wrong. But I gotta tell ya, more often than not, what I was being told turned out to be true, despite my absolute convictions to the contrary at the time. "Not even the wise can see all things."

 

Geologyrox,

You have it figured out. Your views on parental responsibilities and the value of choice is spot on.

My spouse and I went through a time (about 10 years) when we did not want children and were accepting of the idea of possibly never having children (adoption included). At the age of 28, we changed our minds.

Don't feel frustrated about being unable to be sterilised. No concientious medical professional will do it. The human brain isn't even considered fully developed until the age of 25 or so. Why do you think your car insurance premiums drop dramatically on your 25th birthday?

Later in your life (believe me it will come too quickly and too soon), you will be able to take this step. Just trust everyone that there are good reasons why you cannot at your age.