Joke of the Day

The Texas joke plays on the myth that Jews are rich. (Some are, most are not, the same with Christians, Muslims, Hindus, etc.)

I cannot explain the second joke. I think it is hilarious. Maybe it has something to do with people who always find fault. I don't think that's really a racial thing, though I think it's a Jewish stereotype.

The third is just the old anti-marriage bias. A Jayman kind of joke.

I don't see anything Jewish in the fourth joke. I think it's funny because, unlike most jokes which are based in someone's pain, this is based in thinking outside the box for an unexpected but creative solution to a problem. Or is it only we Jews who tell jokes derived from creative thinking rather than someone's pain? I hope not.

 

Tax Time: The IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?" "Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?" ... "Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package
of plaster."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save
all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once
a year they send us a complete . . . . . ." never mind

 

That's a very funny joke.

I'd like to point out, however, that the IRS is the most efficient agency of government, probably the only one that's been consistently free of corruption, and is the agency that allows the government to function at all. Unless you are an anarchist and believe that we should have no government at all, we need the IRS. Every dollar spent by the IRS brings in several dollars in additional revenue from tax cheaters. I pay every dollar I owe, and I don't want to pay more than my share because the IRS lacks the funds to catch cheaters who don't want to pay their fair share.

I've never been audited, but I have phoned them to ask a tax question now and then and they've always been very friendly and helpful.

I don't like paying taxes. I don't like the way the government spends my tax money. And I especially don't like the tax structure. But none of that has anything to do with the IRS. Note that it was the IRS, not the corrupt FBI, that brought down Al Capone.

 

JUST JOKES PLEASE!!!! Put this in rants or politics!

Joke threads are for JOKES, not discussions of why you do not get a joke, not discussions of the friggin IRS...if you like a joke just post a thanks...if you do not like or get a joke, just move on, there is nothing here to see....Joke threads fall apart when they become discussion of what is funny and what is not funny....

Just laugh (or not) and carry on.....

 

If you read the thread, there are occasional comments.

 

Daniel, very glad you are back, I missed you and appreciate your thoughtful comments on a whole range of topic.

BUT, this is a joke thread, especially in these times, WE NEED TO LAUGH!!!!

This is your 10th post in this thread without one single joke, your killing us!!!

It is kinda like T&J's Political Cartoon Thread: Nothing but political cartoons!

 

Just for rpatterman...

[FONT=Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica]A man walks into a bar in Boulder, Colorado and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a joke about how stupid the Colorado Football team is.

The bartender tells the man that he wouldn't mind hearing the joke but that he needs to point out a couple of people to him that are in the bar.

The bartender then points to a HUGE man seated at one end of the bar and explains that this guy was an All- American offensive lineman for Colorado last season.

The bartender then points out another HUGE man seated at a table near the bar and explains that he was a Colorado Linebacker a couple of years ago.

Then the bartender tells the man that he himself was a Quarterback for Colorado several years ago and that he had a baseball bat behind bar.

The bartender then asks the man if he still wanted to tell his joke and the man replied, "Heck no, I don't want to have to explain it 3 times!"
[/FONT]

 

On a roll...

[FONT=Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica]A Husker Fan is having breakfast one morning: Coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jelly. When a Colorado Fan, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Husker Fan ignores the Colorado Fan, who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Colorado Fan: "You Nebraska folk eat the whole bread?"

Husker Fan: " Of course!"

Colorado Fan: (after blowing a large bubble) "We don't in Colorado, we Only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Nebraska."

The Colorado Fan has a smirk on his face.

The Husker Fan listens in silence. The Colorado Fan persists.

Colorado Fan: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"

Husker Fan: "Of course!"

Colorado Fan: (cracking his gum between his teeth & chuckling) "We don't. In Colorado we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and jelly and sell it to Nebraska."

The Husker Fan then asks, "Do you have sex in Colorado?"

Colorado Fan: "Why of course we do", he says with a smirk.

Husker Fan: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Colorado Fan: "We throw them away, of course?"

Husker Fan: "We don't. In Nebraska, we put them all in a container, Recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to Colorado."[/FONT]

 

Badda bing...

[FONT=Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica]Two boys are playing football in Colorado when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Buffs Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal", he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Buffs fan," the little hero replies.

"Sorry, since we're in Colorado, I just assumed you were," says the reporter.

Again, he starts writing in his notebook: "Colorado State Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack."

But the boy interrupts sheepishly, "I'm not really a Colorado State fan either." "I just assumed that everyone in Colorado was either a fan of the CU Buffaloes or CSU Rams. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Nebraska Cornhuskers fan," the child says proudly.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes "Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet."
[/FONT]

 

The jokes thread is for JOKES, not rants about non-joke posts. When people make posts explaining that the thread is only for jokes, it takes the timing out of the thread. Let's try to keep this thread only for jokes, questions about jokes, comments about jokes, and the occasional political comment relating to jokes. Let's see if we can avoid any more posts about non-joke posts.



Tom

 

I now have to find Michigan jokes...

 

Most Novi and Newfie jokes should work.

Tom

 

There was a bay in Newfoundland where fishing boats were constantly running aground on the shoals as the fishermen tried to navigate by the light of the moon. So the government came in and installed a buoy. Unexpectedly, the number of groundings doubled!

And the moral is...
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[The following must be spoken in a Newfie accent...]

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You can't send a buoy to do a moon's job.

(And yes, I have posted jokes here before. It's just that this thread goes back a long ways.)

 

I know only one clean joke...here it is!

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'

To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.'

And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'

He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.'



So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'
The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no could have finda him nowhere.'

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'
The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither.'

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.



Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells,



'SUPPLIES!!!!'

 

wow ... "the joke thread" police. Who'da thunk ....

are there 'joke thread' police, that police the police?