I don't remember if this one's been posted before but I was reminded of it today. Fr. Tom is an avid golfer who hadn't been able to play a round for a few weeks due to the weather. Finally the weather broke and it was a beautiful day. The only problem was that it was Sunday. He called in sick and arranged for another priest to cover all his sacerdotal duties for the day. On the course, he was having the best day of his life, well under par and on course to set a new personal record. The eighteenth hole was a par four and his tee shot placed him in a direct path to the green. Eying the distance and judging the wind, he pulled his seven iron - a club he always had trouble with - and drilled the perfect shot right up onto the green. It was so good, in fact, that it went straight into the hole and he finished with an eagle and establishing a new personal record. As he did a little dance in the fairway and worked his way to the green, St Peter turned to God. "How can you allow such a great round to be played by this man who skipped church, dumped his duties on a junior priest, snuck out of his quarters and did it all just to play a round of golf. He deserves to be punished, not rewarded. How could you let him be so happy?" God turned to St Peter and asked, "who's he going to tell?" I was reminded of this story this afternoon. My work calendar was blocked out for two and a half hours for a project post mortem meeting, the most dreadful and tedious of all possible meetings. In reality, I didn't want my departmental coworkers to know that the project team was celebrating a successful project launch at the bowling lanes. I set a new personal best at 229 and can't tell any of my coworkers about it.
I don't get it! The granddad says "You can just pretend you made the shot" and she takes him home to bed??? By that logic I can say I scored 18 on an 18-hole course, or a 300 in bowling. (I'd actually score more like 300 on the golf and zero on the bowling.) Is there something about golf I'm missing here???
Congratulations Tony. Getting over 200 is a milestone in itself. I bowled a 258 just last Tuesday. However, heaving my 2 ball bowling bag in and out of the Prius trunk is an exercise in itself especially when you don't want it to drag/drop on the bumper.
If all the witnesses agree that she made par, then she made par. And Granddad knows exactly how to make sure she didn't miss the putt.
So every time someone claims to have made par, they might not have put the ball in the hole at all; they just convinced the witnesses to "agree" to it by offering adequate compensation in sex, money, or other favors. I gather that a lot of high-powered business is conducted on the golf course. "Okay, Joe. You 'agree' that I shot a 54 on this course, and the contract is yours." I guess that puts golf scores in the same category as fishing stories. Did I ever tell you about the time I caught a fish that was THIIIIIIIS big? We didn't take a picture, but I can prove it by showing you the fork I ate some of it with. Does that go for bowling also? If the other players "agree" that someone made a strike they don't have to actually roll the ball? I know some women that could make 300 regularly if they chose to, by that rule.
Not today in bowling because the scores are electronically recorded, except if you have manually changed the scores at the keyboard. For instance you have 11 strikes in a row and threw a 9 for your last shot. Your score will be 299. You can change this to a strike manually but there will be too many witnesses and will be in question by USBC.
The joke is funny not because it represents "reality" but because it's absurd. It's not supposed to portray reason or rational expectations, else it wouldn't be a joke. So when the first two males follow expectation, we're being set up. Grampa gets right to the heart of the matter against expectation and that's the first chuckle. She goes for it and that's the capper. That it's NOT something likely to actually happen IS the essential element of its humor.
Hmmm. Okay. I still don't think it's funny, though. The following seems equivalent: A man is walking down the street and a beautiful woman comes up to him and says "I'll go to bed with you if you'll give me a million dollars." So he writes "$1,000,000" on a scrap of paper and gives it to her and she says, "Your place or mine?" Has all the same elements as the golf joke: Beautiful woman, offer of sex in return for something she wants, unexpected and pointless response, unexpected acceptance by the woman.
What about the rest of the joke? The expected part is that most women will probably say yes to the million bucks, knowing it's a joke. Next, the guy asks "How about $100,000?" Maybe yes, maybe no. Then he asks "How about 10,000?" Maybe yes, probably no - depnds on a lot of things. Eventually he gets to $50 or some equally insulting amount, at which point the woman indignantly asks "What kind of girl do you think I am?!" The man replies "Oh, we've already established that, we're just trying to negotiate a price."
These joke threads work best if they are just a collection of jokes. No discussion if you do not get the joke. No discussion if you do not think it is funny. Laugh or don't laugh. Carry on... P.S. Every golfer got the joke right away!
Okay here's a joke for a change: Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?" "I'm sorry Abie, I forgot to send the check." "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month?" he asks? "Forgive me, Abie! ," begged Esther. "I didn't sent that one, either." Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, " So, why did you kiss me?" Abe answers, "They'll find us."
George Bernard Shaw apparently pulled that on a society lady, for real. The punch line, IIRC, was "We've already established what kind of a woman you are. Now we're just haggling over the price." You've been around here long enough to know that suggestions of that sort are futile.
If you don't 'get it' the first time, no amount of discussion will make it as funny as if you had. The assumption that a joke thread will never contain a discussion of the jokes therein is laughable.