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The update is: The new 12-volt seems to have done the trick. No difficulties, starting or driving. We'll institute a family policy of at least...
So the follow-up question from the n00b is: Why can't the dealer hook up a random 12-volt there in the shop and get whatever codes we need out of...
... until he replaces my 12-volt battery. He got codes that seem to have little to do with my problem, and the service department says they can't...