<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Starbug @ Jul 5 2006, 01:22 PM) [snapback]281600[/snapback]</div> Thanks--it helps when we're not trying to kill each other... Does you mom have a will? If not, maybe if she says she's having one made, saying she knows no one lives forever, and she wants to save you any hassles whenever her time comes...and then get a lawyer who'll say he's running a two-for-one deal .Seriously, though--it really doesn't cost much more for a couple to have them done together, since they are generally mirror images, kinda, with everything left to surviving spouse and then subsidiary legatees (like kids!), with the only differences, perhaps, being that maybe your mother wants you to have stuff like her wedding ring right off. Sometimes backing into things is easier that going head on.... Keep keeping your chin up, Starbug!
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Starbug @ Jul 4 2006, 04:30 PM) [snapback]281161[/snapback]</div> You may be kidding, but it's a good idea. Nobody lives forever. Or perhaps your dad thinks he'll never die! Because even if he believes he'll recover from the cancer, sooner or later he's going off, just like all of us, and if he doesn't have a will, then... well, I don't know what happens. The tack to take with him is not "The cancer's gonna kill you, so make your will," but rather, "Everyone, young or old, needs to have a will because you could get run over by a bus crossing the street." Families are really messed up things.
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rufaro @ Jul 5 2006, 09:06 PM) [snapback]281801[/snapback]</div> Yes, my mom has a will. But he still fights it. He doesn't like planning for the future. Eventually, I think there are some things that we will just have to force him to get in order. He is frusterating! <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(daniel @ Jul 5 2006, 10:46 PM) [snapback]281853[/snapback]</div> One of the things my dad often says is "we are all terminal. We just don't know when." Oddly, though this acknowledges that he is not immortal, it still doesn't make him prepare for the future (be it dieing of cancer or of old age). And lest we all forget, he's "going to be cured of his cancer in just a few months, so no need for wills etc." *cough*BS*cough* So he exhists knowing he will one day of old age, and thinking that he will never die. Like I said, he's very frusterating. *bangs head on desk*
Angela, you are in a very tough situation. stick to your beliefs. in the end, the only person you need to answer to is yourself. if in your heart, you are doing the right thing, accept that.
I am sorry Angela. My mom is also dieing now. Two major strokes in the past month. I know were you are at. This is hard. Remember all the times he supported and helped you through the years. Denial is normal. See if he will give your mom "power of attorney" "just in case". I will talk to my wife she is a hospice nurse and may have ideas. PM me and we can talk. My mom has been failing for a while, that makes it easier and she left clear wishes on what to do. We can talk. It is OK, and my wife really know a lot about this. Trust me she is amazing. My mom is in pain and she sees it when I can't. She points it out to me and wow. These are trying times, and we all are going to be tested. Please PM me I will send you my phone number. Henry
henry, sorry to hear about your mom. it makes it so tough when the decline is so gradual. my mom went thru continous bouts of pneumonia, flus and colds for the 6 months before her death. my thoughts are with both of yous
henry, sorry to hear about your mom. it makes it so tough when the decline is so gradual. my mom went thru continous bouts of pneumonia, flus and colds for the 6 months before her death. my thoughts are with both of yous
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(hdrygas @ Jul 9 2006, 05:56 PM) [snapback]283576[/snapback]</div> Angela I am going to DC on Wednesday please PM me. I will take my "pute" (that is what my daughter called it when she was 3) I am going to help her get set up in grad school. The folks in DC have a curious notion that even a woman of 28 need's her dad to co- sign a lease. Go figure? So I will go and help her, she is doing this on her own, as it should be. Of course Dad will get sucked in, why not she has had me wrapped since day one. I accept it. Please PM me. I will give you my cell number and we will talk. Then you get to talk to the expert, my wife. My mother died this morning and she did everything. I asked her about this and she is more than willing to help you! Call... Please. Henry
"My mother died this morning " Henry my condolences. Sorry to hear that. Not what any person needs. My thoughts are with you. Frank
Henry, sorry for your loss. as hard as it is to accept, at least you can take comfort in knowing that she is no longer in pain
Thanks, everyone. We got the pain thing worked out. The Nurses say she waited for me to come by before she died. I don't know but nurses are smart and emphasize, well better than me. I was on call as usual. I spent 10-15 Min with her in the morning and after I left and said good buy the nurse went in and she had stopped breathing. Everything good or bad happens when I am on call. It was a bad month and the second stroke was it for her. She did not suffer and I am glad about that but it is still a shock. My one bright point is that my wife said when she meets my grandmother (fathers mother) in heaven both will say "what are you doing here". There is truth in that!! I guess they will both say "I never thought you would make it, to me, or not, one never knows"
Oh my god, Henry! I am sooooo sorry about your loss. I've been busy job-hunting, so I've not logged in for a while. My condolences to you and your family. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you all. We are coping each in our own way. I did drive to the nursing home the next day when I was thinking of other things, car on auto pilot. Will be strange not going there daily. I will be on a bit more when I get back from DC. It is humid here and folks living here can have it. I am out of here.
