Not Feeling Very Charitable Lately.....

" Charity Creates A Multitude Of Sins "
Oscar Wilde

I don't know. Maybe I'm kidding myself. I'm not saying I succeed with anywhere near 100% success rate, but I would say that one of the standards I try to live my life by, on all levels, is to try to leave things better than I find them.
This often is not grandiose, it's often manifested in simple ways. If I see some litter, I'll pick it up and throw it in the trash can. If I'm walking into a store and see an abandoned shopping cart, I'll grab it and bring it in with me.
I try to bring something to the party. Something to say. I try to know when to listen. It's not much for a human being living in a relatively advanced and prosperous country. It's just an approach I tell myself I embrace. Leave things better than I find them. But maybe it's a lie.

I've always believed in charity. Most often if someone asks me for some money, or some help on the street, I'll give them some money. I'll formally give to causes I believe in.

But is it getting to be too much?

So the other day, I'm in a hurry, I've showered, I'm 1/2 shaved with shaving cream on my face. The phone rings...I answer. I'm cold, I'm dripping wet....

* I'm probably getting some exact details wrong

Hello?

"Hello, I'm Chrissy for the * " Amber Alert Program" . You know we are the group that is responsible for providing the Amber Alerts when children are abducted or kidnapped?"

Okay, so I can kind of tell where this is going...and I'm thinking to myself, unless I'm a very, very, very troubled individual, who could possibly be against this? Who say's " I don't care about kidnapped or abducted children and returning them to their parents...screw you Amber Alert!". So despite running against the clock and dripping shaving foam onto my phone, I continue to listen.

"We would like your permission to send you a no obligation donation form."

Okay...so I think to myself...fine, send it to me...I can either write you a check or toss it in the garbage. So I say, Okay, send me a donation form.

"Before we send you the "packet" (the form had now turned into a packet), we'd like to put down how much you intend to donate."

Wait a minute, I say this out loud...I thought you said it was no obligation, but now you want to know how much I am going to donate, before you even send me the form? That doesn't really sound "No Obligation" to me.

"Well, to cut down on mailing cost and waste, we'd like to know the person is serious about donating before we send out the material. "

So now?--To me now? It's like forget it...I'm wet, I'm cold, you intruded into my day, presented something as being "No Obligation" when clearly you are looking for an obligation and really at the present moment, I'm in no condition to really sit down and figure out how much I think I can sacrifice for the noble cause of returning kidnapped or abducted kids to their parents. So if I have to give you a pre-determined figure just to get your donation request, just forget the whole thing. I do NOT give you permission to send me your "packet".

With two words, even over the phone, I could tell she thought I was the biggest donkey in the universe. (And maybe at that moment, I was)---" Thank You"-click. I'm pretty sure she said Thank- You...but amazingly it sounded like "nice person Hole". She truly was a wizard.

Okay...so I didn't leave the world better than I found it with that phone exchange. And part of me is really, really sorry. But if you're going to ask me for charity, be it on a Freeway off ramp with a scribbled cardboard sign or over the phone for a undeniably worth cause, just be as honest and sincere in your presentation as possible.

So then I'm off to the store. I just want to go in, buy some groceries. And yes, I'm lucky and blessed to be able to do so, I know. I'm not taking that for granted.

But I'm getting a little tired of running the gauntlet of guilt, just to get 10 cans of cat food. It starts before I even get in the store, with the folding table and the parent, with the two Girl Scouts.

"Would You Like to Buy Some Cookies?"....the meeker and quieter the voice the harder it is to ignore.

Now listen, I was a kid, and I had to do fundraising for different groups I was involved in. It's not easy work. It's tough. I'm not without compassion here. I DO sometimes stop and buy the cookies from the Girl Scouts or the Candy Bar for Little League....

But if I say no..and dart through the automatic doors, do I really deserve the dirty look from the parent who is now glaring at me like I am an enemy of all things "Childhood"? Do I really deserve the waif from Les Miserable hitting me up for my last 5 spot? Sometimes, I just want to get a few things and get home.

Once again I fail to make the world a better place, or at least a place with more Girl Scouts and perhaps Little League.

Okay...I've got my groceries, I've stood in line in check out...I've swiped the store Club Card, I'm just waiting for the last item to be rung up before I enter my pin and get my receipt.

"That'll be $27.43....would you like to round up to an even dollar to help fight Prostrate Cancer?"

What?....(Hey if I say yes, how do I even know where that 57 cents is going to?) If I do say yes, are they going to want me to put my name on a giant paper smiling face that says, " I helped Fight Prostrate Cancer Today!" on it? Because I'm not in the mood.

Listen, my dad had prostrate surgery a few years ago. I've had family members that have fought cancer. I've had some close ones that have died. Cancer is horrible, and the toll it takes on families and individuals horrific. I want to stop it. I'm all for for funding the services, therapy and research that goes towards helping those suffering and hopefully ending potential suffering of the future.

So really? I usually say...."Sure, Go Ahead..."...like my cheap nice person 57 cents is going to put the research over the top. It's going to pay for the petri dish where the cancer cells don't replicate. Because I didn't grab my 2 quarters, a nickle, and two pennies, I'm going to be a hero! Give me that Smiling Face with a place to put my name, that might end up in a museum someday.

And really with the line behind me...especially that good looking woman. How am I suppose to say no?

But is it becoming too much? Is there a place where charity and requests for charity are intruding to0 much? Because I remember a time when if you were just buying groceries, you were just buying groceries. You didn't have the split second moral dilemma of either grabbing your ALL your change (You Bastard) or making the world a better place.

It just seems like I can't go anywhere at any time without some request. The unshaven homeless guy actually seems the most refreshingly honest. If I don't give him a few bucks....he'll have the common decency to glare at me like he is going to slit my throat. If I do give him a few bucks? He's NOT going to hand me a paper smiling face for me to sign that say's " I helped The Homeless Today!". And unless things get really, really scary...he's not going to call me at home.

So what is wrong with me? Charity Fatigue Syndrome? CFS so please give.... I've read those Chick Tracks left at laundry mats and at bus stations. With any refusal to give to charity am I slowly erasing my name from the book of life? The drawing of the lake of fire is pretty damn scary.

I've got "some" expendable income. I've got a job. I KNOW THAT MAKES ME LUCKY. I want to help. I want to make things better. Just maybe...not all the time. Maybe sometimes, I just want to shower, shave, go to the store and buy some cat food. For a spoiled pet that in some countries, people would eat.

I suspect I'm turning towards the dark side.
The next time I don't buy the cookies or grab for the change as it hits the dispenser I might as well go home and look for the 666 somewhere hidden on my scalp line.

And if instant karma ever gets me? I hope one of you gives me some change. Because I'm only going to ask once.

 

I don't give "mindlessly" to anyone who asks either. But despite many peoples advice NOT to EVER give to anyone who approaches you on the street, I admit that I will often give somebody a few bucks if I'm asked or approached.

You know why? Because I don't care if it is a "scam". The way I look at it, if somebody is so desperate that asking for money on the streets is their "scam"? Then let me be scammed. I never give more than I can afford to give. Seems to me that if your "job" is dressing as a homeless person and sitting on the streets all day asking for money, that's not easy work.

I hear all the time how all these homeless people are just con artists actually pulling in 1000's and 1000's of dollars a year, and I most often think that's just a cop out people use to justify ignoring the world around us.

I also hear about how it's not organized and/or how they will simply use the money for alcohol or drugs. This is potentially a better argument, but I kind of apply the same attitude. If I'm giving it with the best of intentions, and they are misusing it? Well that's too bad, but I'd rather be wrong with my charity, then right and not be willing to try to help.

No I don't just give money mindlessly away to everyone that asks me. Sometimes I don't have the spare change, sometimes I just get the strong vibe the person IS conning me. But in general....for whatever reason, if somebody is so desperate as to be at the point that they are asking strangers for help....I'd rather attempt to help and be wrong about it, then ignore and be right.

 

Guess you missed the few parts where I say " I don't give mindlessly to anyone who asks either" and " I never give more than I can afford to give" plus "No I don't just give money mindlessly away to everyone that asks me. Sometimes I don't have the spare change." .

But the reasons people end up on the streets or in a situation where they may be so desperate as to be asking for money are complex and varied, and probably not understandable in passing on a sidewalk. Therefore I do not default to the idea that anyone who is asking for money is only doing so because they aren't trying hard enough to get up on their feet. It simply may not be that simple. Up, down desperate or Con it's probably not that simple.

If I have the SPARE coins on me? I'd rather be the sucker and wrong...than hold onto those coins and in turning away, also be wrong.

And just for the record, I'm a "working man" as well. My trust fund was revoked ages ago.....

 

Just for the record. It was a failed attempt at sarcasm...I've never had a trust fund.