Once I learned to stop getting emotionally attached, things were much better. In my 20's, I was engaged 3 times, and was ditched in a very hurtful manner each time. Oddly enough, when the "better" man turned out to be a loser, they had the balls to try to hook up with me again Not! Now that I'm in this casual foursome things are great. We're just in it for the fun, nothing else. But due to the way my feelings were shattered with my previous three serious attempts, there is no way in hell I'd consider giving 100% of myself to anybody else ever again. I'm done with that No, you're asking a reasonable request. But you're EXPECTING way too much, sorry to say. Been there, done that, wrote a chapter in the manual I can guarantee if you become a drug dealing Bikie, women will throw themselves at you. Especially if you treat them like s***. But if you're a "nice guy" with many tender emotions and feelings, expect to have your guts ripped out I'm not trying to stereotype ALL women, but I had 3 of them hurt me - badly. As a result, I no longer trust them. They're fun, what with the complimentary parts and all, but that is as far as I go now Pat, all I can suggest is that you learn from this, and move on with life. The more you brood on this, the more hurt and sad you will become. If you are VERY hurt and devastated, please seek professional help at once. Again - Been There Done That, I even wrote a chapter in the manual Fun yes, but only if no emotional attachment is involved
Perhaps you should consider a name change from "Jayman" to "Jadedman" It sounds like you have locked your heart away for safe keeping and are glad you did. I'm trying to avoid doing that again. You are right it is very very hard to continue to put yourself out there and risk that kind of hurt. I've got to believe there is some sort of happy medium. Heck, just because I haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. :focus: Or on to another tangent depending on your perspective. I have a question for the married or happily coupled folks. I'm starting to suspect that this whole online dating phenomena has created some really picky people. We want it all, we want it all in a pretty package, and we want it all in the same person. I've been reflecting on my dating experiences and some of the really amazing things I've been lucky enough to experience. I caught myself ruminating about it. I had an amazing intellectual connection with Adam, a phenomenal sexual connection with Tim, I have never met a more emotionally supportive person than Ray. I just feel spiritually good when I'm with Jason. Doing things and being active with John was delightful. The poet wrote me amazing sonnets, the musician swept me away with his love songs, the dancer twirled me into a romantic frenzy. It's all there. It's just there in different people. Is it to much to expect to have it all? To want to connect physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually... Is it possible? Note: The names of the innocent have been changed in this narrative to protect them from their own egos.
Will do Yes, it is. And with expectations like that, you will only continue to get hurt. Again, Been There, Done That, wrote a chapter in the manual You sound like a nice woman, and I'm not dumping on you, just warning you not to get your hopes up too high
Hey, by the time I finally got married, I was willing to settle for any woman that would be nice to me. Of course, after I was married, I found out that I had even compromised on that point!
Assuming there really was a Mr Perfect, wouldn't he already be married to Mrs Perfect? Or unwilling to commit because he's so busy taking advantage of his awesomeness? Or so stuck up you couldn't stand to be with him?
I take advantage of myself all the time. Hell I might even get myself drunk to make things easier if I start resisting!
I didn't do a very good job of making my point. I just mean is it possible to connect with someone on all levels? Who that's married has that? I was being serious but now I see that might have been a mistake.
No, you did a good job. No mistakes. I'll try to be serious. Yes, it's entirely possible to connect on many levels. That's the basis of every strong relationship. The goal is to find someone who's right for you. We're all unique, with different interests, attributes, and abilities. If you can find someone to laugh and love with, who respects who you are and who you want to be, that's a really good start. There's no saying it has to last forever, but if you can both agree you want to experience life together, whatever it brings, then go for it. You can sit and list all the 'turn-ons' and 'turn-offs' you want, but it's your heart that will make the decision. And far be it from me to tell anyone what not to do on the first date, but I'd say the chances of long term success are far better if you're friends first.
My wife and I have that. First and foremost we are best friends. We are each other's support system and cheer-leading squad. We hold hands when we walk around town. We snuggle in bed. We talk all of the time. We love to drink coffee together. We rock climb and sail together. I like to lead, she is the consummate sidekick; we make a great team. On top of all that, I think she's pretty cute, even after 37 years. Does that mean that every hour of every day is perfect? Hardly. We've had our ups and downs, and we continue to drive each other nuts in many minor ways. I've come to accept it as part of the package. If I suddenly lost her, I would miss the many little annoying things that she does. It's easy to fantasize about an ideal partner, but that ideal varies from day to day and mood to mood. On some days a swimsuit model sounds pretty nice. Other days I would like an engineer. I enjoy my fantasies, she enjoys hers. But at the end of the day we choose each other: real flesh and blood people with real personalities and real blemishes. Tom
Yes, he is. Sorry, I got him first Actually, I got him second. His first wife left him. He's still perfect (for ME!!) - don't overlook recycled guys!
I never in a million years would have been able to predict I would get to this place but Jay... I think you are right. I think the solution is in just not caring anymore. Now ... if you would be so kind as to give me some tips on how to get there..... I would appreciate it very much.
A very descriptive paragraph of what makes the multi-faceted Octavia tick. :nod: Maybe we should rent a whole suite of "rooms" in which to conjure the details and advice of Octavia. Cheers! Tim .......... (er, uh, I mean Spectra :evil
Agreed! My mother actually told me last night that I was educating myself right out of the dating pool. :flypig:
Way to go, Mom. How empowering of you. :blink: Sadly, I gave most of those up when I had kids. No wonder life seems a little mundane of late.
