I understand that guys... this was more a hurt created by being utterly and completely replaced within a week or two. Didn't skip a beat.... Went back to an old girlfriend and just picked up where we left off. It really opened my eyes to how little *I* mattered in the equation. It matters not who it is just so long as someone's there. Lesson learned man... lesson learned.
Well, F8L, since I HAVE met and talked to you IRL, my opinion would be that she just was TERRIFIED that she was going to fall way too hard for you, and she wasn't ready for that level of relationship yet. :nod: You are a charmer.
Me thinks the guy wasn't over the old girlfriend in the first place. You weren't really "replaced" as he wasn't really available. Oh... the stories I could tell about my on-line dating experiences; I seriously could write a book! One of my dates went like this... We met, had a drink and talked. He excused himself to go to the bathroom, came back and said... "you know... this just isn't going to work for me." I said "okay, thanks for letting me know and good luck to you." Then he added... "unless of course you just want to have sex and then I'm okay with that." I replied... "you ASSUME I'd even want to have sex with you... and you know what... this just isn't going to work for me either." While I totally understood there wasn't an attraction on one level and I really, REALLY was okay with his honesty and not wasting either his or my time, I certainly didn't appreciate the disrespect he also showed. I think some people have totally forgotten what manners are and how to apply them.
Unfortunately, these types of situations go both ways. I dated a girl for 3 months or so before she started blowing me off... we didn't break up so much as just stop talking all together. No warning, no "hey, this isn't working out for me anymore". 6 months later, i see on facebook that she's engaged to her ex.
Okay, my "best" online dating story: I met up with the guy at the Troubadour since his cousin was playing there that night. Before the music started our conversation consisted almost entirely of him practically re-enacting scenes from Animal House. Thankfully the band came on to play. Then we were hanging out upstairs in the private area with some of his friends. He went over to use the bathroom, which was across the room about 30 feet away from us. It was occupied (single unisex bathroom) so he came back over and sat down. While we were sitting there a woman started standing by the bathroom door. When the person came out of the bathroom and that woman started to go in he yelled across the room "Hey I was waiting for that! Hey! Hey!! Wait your turn, I was waiting." Boy oh boy... Then after he's done his business and comes back I'm going to tell him I'm leaving, and his friends want to go somewhere else for a drink so he invites me to go. I told him no thanks, I'm just going to go, this isn't happening for me. He gets a bit upset telling me I didn't even give him a chance over and over. He just didn't have a clue. I think that was my worst date ever!
Sounds like the guy was a real dick. I'm completely upfront and honest with my relationships, saves everybody a lot of time and trouble Remember, you should be in charge when it comes to a relationship
I did a double take, she actually looks like one of my friends with benefits Except she has no need for that instruction manual
Certainly true in my case. The four of us are one big happy group, and yes we can actually go somewhere as just 2, or even all 4, without it degrading into an orgy After 7 years, no signs of it breaking up either. I think it's really important that the guy be mature enough to know how to act and react in this situation
Jay... I think you're correct in that one has to be mature and may I add, non-possessive as well as very secure with one's self, to have a friends with benefits type of relationship. If everything is mutual and open and communicated, there's nothing wrong with it at all. While I've had several such relationships in my life, I never actually went out with all of them at one time. Would you consider your friends with benefits group as a form of polyamourism?
Good point. Now that you mention it, yes, I do consider my group to be like that Few outside our group are aware of what we are up to. Many express disbelief that we can make it work, especially as long as we have
I had a long, well thought out response all typed in and then lost it. :twitch: <------ That's all I remember from it. To sum up: Jay - I don't want to be in charge, being in charge sucks, I want some sort of fairy tale "we" business. Hell with it anyway.... friends are better. No friends with bennys for me though, goes against my religion of "I dun wanna". Eagle- I know it's cliche but you are better off without her. My dog has better communicado skills than that. eclect - I agree. I always had this nagging feeling that he had "real" relationships going on somewhere else. Like his x wife and girlfriend. He would tell her all about me, but never seemed to share stuff with me about the rest of the people in his life. I seriously wish them the best and kick myself for getting tangled up in that sort of drama in the first place. My 14 year old pointed out that it reminded him of how his friends relationships go... *insert twitch here* :twitch:
In The Big Chill -- The Mary Kay Place character took a deep breath & said something like: "I've been dating for ____ years ..... " How many 'years' was it? Was she talking to Tom Berenger? Did she find happiness in her 2 hours on-screen? Just tossing some questions into the ozone.... ..... now that I've dated myself ... :hippie:
Not trying to pop any emotionally wrenching bubbles here, but ... that *is* a fairy tale I think its important that you recognize that, before you start seeking out relationships. Why is it important? More for your emotional well being than others Hope I'm not coming across as too blunt, but that is the way the 'ole world works
If you don't take care of your own emotional well being, you can't help with anyone else's. Think of it as being like oxygen masks on an airplane: you put yours on first, and only then help the person next to you. Otherwise you pass out and can't help anyone. Tom
Errr... I think we might be talking about two different things. I'm talking about being tired of dating men who look to me to make all the decisions in the relationship. I prefer relationships where both people work together to make the decisions. Hence don't wanna be "in charge". I don't need a second teen, I got one.
